Anal sex: It has been called the new frontier of sex, and it just might be. Recent surveys show that roughly 1 in 3 people have tried it, suggesting that more women are opening up to it than ever. And yet, say the phrase “anal sex” in a room full of women and watch each one refuse to talk about it…
It’s true, anal sex may have gotten a bad rep. We’ve all heard a horror story from our neighbor’s best friend’s second cousin about the pain or, uh, the mess, or any number of things that have gone wrong. But when done correctly, it can be very enjoyable (hence those stats I mentioned!). Consider it an acquired taste, like any experimental dish—it all depends on the cook, the preparation, and your mind-set.
1. DO: Talk about it first. Like any new trick you try in the bedroom, anal sex is something that should be discussed beforehand. Communicate your fears and expectations with your partner, and make sure that you are both on the same page about things like speed, depth, etc. Trust me, this is one area in which you do NOT want any surprises.
2. DON’T: Skip the foreplay. One of the best ways to ease into anal sex is to be plenty aroused beforehand. Being one or two orgasms deep helps you relax and loosen up, which in turn helps your rear end to loosen up, thus lessening the likelihood of a difficult entry. Encourage your partner to double up on the regular dose of foreplay.
3. DO: Shower first. Many women’s fear of anal stems from a fear of what goes on back there (naturally) and how that’s going to play into the action. To cleanse yourself (literally) of such mental roadblocks, take a nice, steamy shower before your hot backdoor action. Invite your guy to join you.
4. DON’T: Forget the lube. If you’re about to start, looking down at the huge puddle of lube in your hand, thinking, God, that’s a lot of lube…, guess what. Use more. Unlike your lady parts, the anal canal does not naturally produce any sort of lubricant to help ease penetration.The more lube you use, the more comfortable and enjoyable the experience will be. Side note: Opt for a condom-safe, water-based lube, and don’t be afraid to reapply frequently. Say it with me: More lube, better anal sex. More lube, better anal sex.
5. DO: Take It Slow. Many guys think the best way to do it is to just dive in. However, no matter how much lube you use, your backdoor is not a water slide. Anal sex should be approached like getting into a really hot jacuzzi. First you test the waters during foreplay, allowing your partner to gently rub around the opening with his finger, then allow him to experiment by actually inserting one finger (don’t forget the lube!). Then, and only then, should his penis come into play. Start with just the tip, and work your way up the shaft.
6. DON’T: Forget to Breathe. In those first few moments of penetration, the pressure tends to cause women to hold their breath. This results in the immediate tightening of those muscles, which will only lead to pain. Take deep, even breaths and focus on relaxing your entire body and release all tension. It may feel like you have to go to the bathroom at first, but just go with it.
7. DO: Assume the Right Position. You may naturally gravitate toward his lying on top of you—familiar, easy, comfortable, right? Wrong. Here are three optimal positions for first time rear exploration:
—Doggie-style allows your man easy entry but puts him in full control, which might not be the best for your first time.
—Girl-on-top is actually the best position for anal, in my opinion, because it allows you to control speed and depth of penetration. This is extremely important, especially for backdoor newbies.
—Spooning is another great pick for backdoor beginners. This gives you shared control of your movements and adds an extra touch of intimacy, which may help you relax as well.
8. DO: Be Vocal. Throughout this entire experience, it is your job to pay attention to what you are feeling, and communicate this to your partner. If something feels uncomfortable or painful, it’s up to you to let him know. Before, during, and after anal sex, consistently check in with your partner to let him know what you need from him. Otherwise, he will be having the time of his life and will have no idea that you are not. Likewise, he should be supportive by asking how it feels and whispering sexy things to you to keep your mind in the action.
If the idea of diving into anal play with no lifeguard on duty still sends shivers down your back side, it’s OK! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. However, share this with your guy and tell him to give it a read if you’re thinking of trying it. If you’re both on the same page, everything will be easier (and more pleasurable) in the end.