The Perfect Female Belly Button

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Take a look down at your stomach and get out your ruler! Because you — yes you — may very well have an imperfect belly button. I know, right? Like you didn't have enough to worry about.

Surgeons at the University of Singapore's Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, whose research was published in ASJ, analyzed images of 37 Playboy Playmates (really) to assess the ideal length, shape and position of the navel.

With the help of a computerized tool called an 'Aesthetic Analyzer', they established that a perfect belly button has a ratio of 46:54, and a midline horizontal position.

The ideal length is 5 percent of the length from the lower breastbone to the lower part of the vulvar cleft, and the 'hood,' or flap, is very small.

However, plastic surgeon Dr. Adam Rubinstein of Miami, Florida, tells that most people just want their belly button to be in the 'range of normal.'

The "range of normal?" This is a thing? I mean, I have one friend with a slightly off-center belly-button, and we all find that kind of endearing. I have an all the way innie that comes to a point. I'm pretty OK with it. Aren't belly buttons kind of just there? I mean, is there any such thing as a truly stunning one?

I wouldn't expect anyone to be so concerned about having an aesthetically perfect navel that they would have surgery. Then again, I wouldn't expect anyone to want to be a Human Barbie Doll either, but here we are.

Weirdly, this is not even the first research of this kind. There apparently have been multiple efforts to find the perfect female belly button. Because apparently no one cares about the aesthetic appeal of male belly buttons. Either that or there isn't enough money in repairing all the other things we tell women are wrong with them.

Can you imagine being in that research group and trying to take it seriously? I am reasonably sure that after looking at and rating 147 belly buttons is a thing that could drive a person insane. Surely they would haunt your dreams for years to come.

All of this aside, I assure you all — despite the fact that I don't know you — that your belly button is probably 100% non-offensive, unless for some reason you still have your umbilical cord attached, because I bet that would be gross.

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