A person of either gender to be a spouse would be someone who: invades your privacy, can’t do anything for themselves, become controlling when you wish to go out with your friends or family, puts dependencies such as drugs, alcohol, or gambling before kings such as work and sleep, talks about how crazy their past lovers were, avoids questions about their past or whereabouts, puts words in your mouth, appears to enjoy drama and fights, begs for attention, lies, steals, has cheated in the recent past, insults your beliefs, family, and friends, or goeslong periods of time MIA. Note, this does not include every and all possibilities. This is merely the tip of the iceberg, but should give you some hints.
The kind of men who make good boyfriends, who are exciting, who are likely the “bad boy” type, the ones who were ultimately romantic, and unpredictable, make good or great boyfriends. They, however, make terrible husbands. Husbands should be dependable, reliable, trustworthy, faithful, loving, supportive, and just generally good guys. Girls who marry Bad Boys – if you can even have a marriage with a bad boy, usually end up with serious relationship problems because of the inability of that type of man to settle down enough to be a good husband or father. There are exceptions of course.
What types of people will not become good husbands?
A man with addictions is not a good bet, whether that be drugs, alcohol, gambling. They tend to relapse, and need to bottom out before they admit a problem. They also lie and manipulate. Not a ride you want to be along for.
A man with a history of violence and anger problems. Big red flag. Life is full of challenges and frustrations. You do not want to end up a punching bag or worse.
A man who is very jealous and controlling. Someone who wants to know where you are every minute of the day and who you are with. May seem flattering at first, but it gets worse and worse with time.
A man with a history of womanizing or cheating. Leopards don’t change their spots.
A man who is unkind to others. Cold, cruel, careless. Watch how he interacts with his family, with children, his coworkers, neighbors, pets. Does he have empathy? Is he warm? Does he have a good heart?
A man who is intolerant. Does he have a lot of prejudices? Does he hate various groups, religions, races? Someone who is tolerant and accepting makes a much better life partner.
A man who has no sense of humor, and can’t laugh at himself and the world. My husband and I have been through so much over the last 30 years, and it really does help that we laugh at the same things. We’ve been at the point of collapse from stress, and we look at each other, and burst into giggles. When things look bleak, a laugh can be a lifesaver.
A man who wants an entirely different life than you. You should want similar things. If you want children and he doesn’t….not good. If his dream is to live in a cabin in Alaska and you dream of a condo in New York, not good. You will end up resenting each other.
A man with very different values. Is he moral? Does he lie, cheat others, steal? You want to be able to trust your husband and be proud of him. You don’t want to find out he is involved in underhanded business deals, cheating family members, taking advantage of people.
A man who doesn’t try his best, and is irresponsible. Life will throw lots of curve balls. You want a husband who will give everything his best effort and not be a shirker. Things might not work out, but you know he really tried.
A man whose words don’t match his actions. Listen to what he does, not what he says. If his mouth is saying I love you, and his actions say something else, you know the truth.
A man who is overly attached to his family. When you marry, there has to be compromise that honors both families. Your marriage and new family have to come first. If his family is mistreating you, he has to intervene on your part.
A man who is not responsible with money. It’s a major reason why couples split up. You need to agree on how money will be handled. Debt, irresponsible spending, inability to pay bills…will kill your marriage.
A man who does not want you to pursue your education, a good career, hobbies and pastimes. A man who loves you will want you to be happy and fulfilled and be the best you can be. He should encourage and support your dreams. I ended up being the major breadwinner at our house when unexpected health issues and other events took place. We were fortunate I was able to do that! You never know what might happen.
A man who is overly concerned with external appearances. Does he spend a lot of time trying to put on a show for others? Complain over your weight, clothing, hairstyle, make up ? Spend hours preening? Want luxury items just so he can impress others?
A man who brags. A confident man doesn’t need to brag or endlessly talk about himself. He knows his own worth. Confident people are modest and humble. There is nothing more attractive than a good man who is humble about it.
A man who betrays confidences. You need a partner who is discreet, and knows when to keep his mouth shut, and keep private things private. Can you trust him if you tell him something in confidence?
When a man makes your heart beat 1000 times faster when you see him, or cause you to feel giddy and excited then this type of man is what you must avoid. Man who excites you and deeply arouse you when you are around him. Do not marry exciting guys, was her only advice towards me.
Reason?
Once the spark is gone, he is bound to leave you. Or you to leave him.
Marry the man who makes you feel safe and never questions your stand. The commitment-philiac guys. ‘Boring man’, to put it bluntly. The husband-material type, as people term it. Point is, they hold on to you dearly. They seldom stray or seek out extramarital ‘fun’ when your marriage starts to lose its spark.
Fun guys get bored easily. I don’t think they would consider your post-pregnancy scar beautiful. Or adore your wrinkles and flabby tummy. Chemistry might be important. But commitment is important. Marry someone who would overlook your flaws and cherish you eternally.